GREAT ARTICLES
MY NEXT LIFE
By George Carlin
I want to live my next life
backwards:
You start out dead and get that
out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing
home feeling better every day
Then you get kicked out for
being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and
collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you
get a gold watch on your first day ..
You work 40 years until you're
too young to work.
You get ready for High School:
drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school,
you become a kid, you play, and you
have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and
then...
You spend your last 9 months
floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions - central
heating, room service on tap, and
then...You finish off as an
orgasm.
I rest my case.
Very interesting perspective by Jay Leno...
I hope you will all read to the end. Jay Leno puts it into perspective and
makes us think about the pathetic negativity. That's right, Jay Leno!!
Jay Leno wrote this; it's the Jay Leno we don't often see....
"The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data
I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the
direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with
the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just
ain't happy and want a change.
So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so
unhappy about?'' Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week?
Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and
heating in the winter?
Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more
food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean
without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way
that can provide temporary shelter?
I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the
world is just not good enough.
Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and
provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to t! ake you to the
hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be
upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained
firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish
the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.
Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or
prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will
come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping
and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own
cell phones and computers.
How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that
are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of
you folks unhappy.
Fact is we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats ! t he world has
ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet has a great disdain for its
citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world
who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about
the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan
to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is
this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11?
The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?
The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it...are you upset at the President because ! he ac tu ally caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.
Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go.
They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend t! he ir ac tions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about "how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way"...Insane!
Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.
We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day or at least be thankful and appreciative.
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Jay Leno
The following was written by
Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish.
And it does not bother me
even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees
Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against.
That's what they are: Christmas
trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't
think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto In fact, I
kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this
happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on
display at a key intersection near my beach house in
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians
like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in
God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where
the concept came from that
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should
worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand
Him? I guess
that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But
there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and
where the
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little
different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to
get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked
her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina)
Anne Graham gave an
extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply
saddened by this, just as we are,but for years we've been telling God to get out
of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.
And being the gentleman He
is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His
blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it
started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently)
complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou
shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we
said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave
because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their
self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know
what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't
know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their
classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I
think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's
going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but
when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about
sharing. Funny
how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but
public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your
address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think
of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what
God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will
know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and
complain about what bad shape the world is in. My
Best Regards.
Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use..... The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.....
Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Border....
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq ...
Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military.....
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it.....
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country......
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot......
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves......
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.....
Problem solved.....
WHAT IF 20 MILLION ILLEGAL ALIENS VACATED AMERICA ?
By Frosty Wooldridge
October 29, 2007
NewsWithViews.com
Tina Griego, journalist for the Denver Rocky Mountain News wrote a column
titled, 'Mexican visitor's lament' -- 10/25/07 .
She interviewed Mexican journalist Evangelina Hernandez while visiting
Denver
last week. Hernandez said,
'They (illegal aliens) pay rent, buy groceries, buy clothes...what happens
to your country's economy if 20 million people go away?'
That's a good question - it deserves an answer. Over 80 percent of Americans
demand secured borders and illegal migration stopped. But what would happen
if
all 20 million or more vacated America ? The answers may surprise you!
In California , if 3.5 million illegal aliens moved back to Mexico , it
would leave an
extra $10.2 billion to spend on overloaded school systems, bankrupted hospitals
and overrun prisons. It would leave highways cleaner, safer and less
congested. Everyone could understand one another as English became the
dominate language again.
In Colorado , 500,000 illegal migrants, plus their 300,000 kids and
grand-kids - would move back 'home,' mostly to Mexico . That would save
Coloradans an estimated $2 billion (other experts say $7 BIL) annually in
taxes that pay for schooling, medical, social-services and incarceration
costs. It means 12,000 gang members would vanish out of Denver alone.
Colorado would save more than $20 million in prison costs, and the terror
that those 7,300 alien criminals set upon local citizens. Denver Officer Don
Young and hundreds of Colorado victims would not have suffered death,
accidents, rapes and other crimes by illegals.
Denver Public Schools would not suffer a 67 percent drop out/flunk out rate
via thousands of illegal alien students speaking 41 different languages. At
least 200,000 vehicles would vanish from our gridlocked cities in Colorado .
Denver 's four percent unemployment rate would vanish as our working poor
would gain jobs at a living wage.
In Florida , 1.5 million illegals would return the Sunshine State back to
America , the rule of law and English.
In Chicago , Illinois , 2.1 million illegals would free up hospitals,
schools, prisons and highways for a safer, cleaner and more crime-free
experience. If 20 million illegal aliens returned 'home' --
If 20 million illegal aliens returned 'home,' the U.S. economy would return
to the rule of law. Employers would hire legal American citizens at a living
wage. Everyone would pay their fair share of taxes because they wouldn't be
working off the books. That would result in an additional $401 billion in
IRS income taxes collected annually, and an equal amount for local state and
city coffers.
No more push '1' for Spanish or '2' for English. No more confusion in
American schools that now must content with over 100 languages that degrade
the educational system for American kids. Our overcrowded schools would lose
more than two million illegal alien kids at a cost of billions in ESL and
free breakfasts and lunches.
We would lose 500,000 illegal criminal alien inmates at a cost of more than
$1.6 billion annually. That includes 15,000 MS-13 gang members who
distribute $130 billion in drugs annually would vacate our country. In
cities like L.A. , 20,000 members of the ' 18th Street Gang' would vanish
from our nation. No more Mexican forgery gangs for ID theft from Americans!
No more foreign rapists and child molesters!
Losing more than 20 million people would clear up our crowded highways and
gridlock. Cleaner air and less drinking and driving American deaths by
illegal aliens!
Drain on America 's economy; taxpayers harmed, employers get rich
Over $80 billion annually wouldn't return to their home countries by cash
transfers. Illegal migrants earned half that money untaxed, which further
drains America 's economy - which currently suffers an $8.7 trillion debt.
At least 400,000 anchor babies would not be born in our country, costing us
$109 billion per year per cycle. At least 86 hospitals in California ,
Georgia and Florida would still be operating instead of being bankrupted out
of existence because illegals pay nothing via the EMTOLA Act. Americans
wouldn't suffer thousands of TB and hepatitis cases rampant in our
country-brought in by illegals unscreened at our borders.
Our cities would see 20 million less people driving, polluting and grid
locking our cities. It would also put the 'progressives' on the horns of a
dilemma; illegal aliens and their families cause 11 percent of our
greenhouse gases.
Over one million of Mexico 's poorest citizens now live inside and along our
border from Brownsville , Texas to San Diego , California in what the New
York Times called, "colonias" or new neighborhoods. Trouble is, those living
areas resemble Bombay and Calcutta where grinding poverty, filth, diseases,
drugs, crimes, no sanitation and worse. They live without sewage, clean
water, streets, electricity, roads or any kind of sanitation. The New York
Times reported them to be America 's new " Third World " inside our own
country. Within 20 years, at their current growth rate, they expect 20
million residents of those colonias. (I've seen them personally in Texas and
Arizona ; it's sickening beyond anything you can imagine.) By enforcing our
laws, we could repatriate them back to Mexico .
High integrity, ethical invitation
We invite 20 million aliens to go home, fix their own countries and/or make
a better life in Mexico . We invite a million people into our country
legally more than all other countries combined annually. We cannot and must
not allow anarchy at our borders, more anarchy within our borders and
growing lawlessness at every level in our nation
It's time to stand up for our country, our culture, our civilization and our
way of life.
Interesting Statistics
Just in case you missed this the last time around & believe those who say we
need
to have Illegal Aliens here to work at slave labor wages to help greedy
businesses. Don't we have a minimum wage law?
Here's the "Snopes" for doubters: http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/bankofamerica.asp
I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until they
are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them. I have
included the URL's for verification of the following facts.
1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each
year. http://tinyurlcom/zob77
2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such as
food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens. http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html
3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens. http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html
4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school
education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of
English! http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.html
5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born
children of illegal aliens, know n as anchor babies.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens. http://transcriptscnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens. http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare &
social services by the American taxpayers.
http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html
9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by
the illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's two
and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular,
their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US
.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html
11. During the year 2005, there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that
crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal
aliens from terrorist countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth,
heroine and marijuana crossed into the U.S. from the southern border.
Homeland Security Report: http://tinyurl.com/t9sht
12. The National Policy Institute, "estimated that the total cost of mass
deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion, or an average cost of
between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period." http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/PDF/deportation.pdf
13. In 2006, illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances back to
their countries of origin. http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm
14.. "The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes
Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States !"
http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml
The total cost is a WHOPPING $338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR!!!
If this doesn't bother you, then just delete the message. But, on the other
hand, if it does raise the hair on the back of your neck, then forward it to
every human in the country, including every representative in Washington ,
DC four times a week for a month.
Thank A Veteran for Your Freedom