HOW TO BE THE BEST EMPLOYEEBe the employee that shines above the rest

HOW TO BE THE BEST EMPLOYEE EVER!

Be the employee that shines above the rest!

Saturday March 04, 2006

It's not hard to be the "best employee at your workplace". It simply a matter of doing what you are told without question. Good attendance and appearance is a must. Looking good and smelling good can add years to your employment. No one wants to smell someone's armpit-rot-stench for 8 hours a day, puking in the garbage can on the way out to the break room. For Christ sake, take a fucking bath.

Being a good employee keeps you off the company "Lay Off List" and probably employed the rest of your life. All of us who work for a living must face one simple fact of life, we have to work all of our best years so when we are 65 -70 years old we can retire and not have to wake up at 4 am, 5 days a week and work our asses off for pizza delivery wages.

Attendance is very important! No matter what kind of work habits you have, if you are at work every day, always on time, and never leave early, you will be the apple of your supervisor's eye. And that is a GOOD thing is this day and age.

Brown Nosing is probably the best way to out shine all of your co-workers. You know they need someone to talk shit about in the break room. Talking shit about co-workers is about the most fun you can have. Just remember, when you talk shit about someone, they are probably talking shit about you, but also adding in their worthless fuckin' version of what they heard about you.

Working your way up the corporate ladder takes a lot of luck and plenty of "Back Stabbing". Making everyone around you look bad is a great way to make yourself look good, no matter how much of a fuck-up you really are. In fact, the best back-stabbing people are running most of America's major companies. Learning the art of back-stabbing takes a lot of time and planning. At times the people we stab in the back may retaliate. If this happens simply walk up to your supervisor and inform them that "So n So called you a racial name and in a matter of minutes the offending person is walked out the door.

Get people on your side and in your click. The more people you can bullshit the better. Make sure you tell your co-workers, EVERY DAY, that you are the best employee the company has and if it wasn't for me, the whole fucking place would go under. After a few years your co-workers will actually start believing you and you are on your way to being the best employee ever.

There will be a lot of people around you who will hate your guts and make hand jesters behind your back, but who gives a shit, the supervisor thinks I am the best employee ever and nothing I could do will change his or hers mind. Except for female supervisors, they supervise like they drive. Run over anything or anyone to get to where they want to be. For God's sake, keep women out of the upper management world. I mean, Shit, things are bad enough without throwing a bucket of gas on a bonfire.

Being the Best Employee Ever will make millions of people hate you and wish you were dead, but who cares when you and only you can walk side by side with your supervisor to break and act like best friends, or Butt Buddies.